Lessons from my 1st, First Date

I was a teen when I went on my 1st, first date and in thinking back I’m pretty sure it was instrumental in setting the tone of my dating life for years to come. My 1st, first date led to my first boyfriend, my first heartbreak and the first realization that the male gender is stupid. But I learned a lesson or two from it.

Mark* was tall, dark and cute (I wasn’t thinking about handsome yet) and he gave be butterflies. Oooh, the butterflies…I still feel them when I think about him today. We went to different schools and had been introduced by a mutual friend. We instantly hit it off and our friendship quickly developed into a mutual crush and he asked me out.

He picked me up at home and said Hi to my parents. We were kids so the date wasn’t a fancy- shmancy affair and although my memory fails me for every detail, I do remember walking, a stop at an ice cream shop and lots of conversation. And the M&M’s – with both of us having M.M. as our initials, it was only natural that M&M’s became our thing; Green for me and Red for him. We must have talked about our entire lives that day. At the end of the date, I felt like I knew him. My teenage self was in love — puppy love at least.

Mark became my first boyfriend shortly after that date. He was intelligent, poetic and athletic. But most importantly, he was the most caring, thoughtful and giving person I had ever know up to then. He would pick me up after school to walk home together and just about every time we got to my house he would hand me a note that he had written for me in class. They were sweet, I’m thinking about you notes. Swoon! He would give me packets of only green and red M&M’s. He was nice to my parents, my little brother and even to my bratty little sister. We became inseparable. For months. Three whole adolescent months.

My first heartbreak followed. I was completely caught off guard when Mark told me we should break up. I spent that summer heartbroken and of course spinning my thoughts trying to figure out what I had done wrong. As fate would have it, we ended up going the same school that Fall. It was there that I realized why Mark had broken up with me. He got back together with an ex and as luck would have it, she, too, went to that school. Now I had to see them together in happy-la-la-land every day.

Fast Forward to my realizing the male gender is stupid: She cheated on him. Broke his heart. He tried to get back with me. I declined.

When I reflect on that experience I know Mark did not hurt me on purpose, nor had I done anything wrong, nor was I actually in love. However, this experience had a profound affect on me; It was really my introduction to the Gray Area of dating. For years to come, I would second guess myself to all things related to men and the relationships. When a relationship was going well, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m not unattractive, nor unintelligent – I wasn’t then and I’m not now but I carried that ‘I’m not good enough’ chip on my shoulder for far too long.

The lessons I learned (looking back now):  Breaking up always sucks, but it happens because something was off and there is nothing you could have done differently to prevent it. You grow, you move on.

Does this sound similar to your first, first date, boyfriend or heartbreak? Did you learn anything from it?